The world on my shoulders

I'm not smart..
I'm not bright..
I don't ask for much..
I give when I can..
I only ask when necessary..
Everything else I do myself..
But how far can a kid like me go?

I've taken huge consideration in what I would do with my situation. I understand that life doesn't always give you everything you want even if you try your best. But I believe that in the end when the results are through, whether I pass or fail, I have leverage to say "I've tried my best".

Wow...

what happens if you try but you just dont get it.. fuck it?

Awaiting..

Never any luck, always stumbling upon life..
No matter how careful I may be, still the odds are against me..
If I try, I will fail, Why continue trying?
With 83% chance to win, with my luck I hit the 17%..
I run but I'm not fast enough, I jump but not high enough..
I try but I don't succeed. I am not arrogant nor ignorant.
Why do I have this fate? Darkness fills my world, I run towards the light,
Not fast enough, Should I stop and await for the worst?
This is only the beginning..

A Good Run

What did I do wrong? Why does she always find means to blame me for her misfortune? Why is she so innocent through her own eyes? We fight over nonsense. I try to preserve what good we have left in our relationship. I make every effort to do so. But why does she seem as if she doesn’t make those same effort? Because she doesn’t.

She takes life for granted. The world must cater to her needs. She is the queen in her own world. That is fine until you expect others to hold that standard. I am sorry lady; you can’t treat me like that. Respect me, and you will be respected. If I like you, my respect is offered for free. Please don’t take it for granted otherwise it won’t be free.

We’ve climbed mountains together. We’ve accomplished many. Our last fight nearly destroyed us. I thought she’d learned, I thought she’d realized. We had a good run. But it happened again. I felt it in my gut. I should’ve known. But sometimes love it too hard to let go.

Helpless

There are many times I feel that I am in this world to fulfill a greater good; to serve humanity and change what is wrong. Though this urge is burning within me I cannot. I am not privileged. How do I serve humanity without foregoing my own priorities? If I am able I would teach and educate the children of today, because they are our future. But I am unable. I am weak. I cannot be weak..

Balance

Why is it that people feel? We've strive countless times to uncover this mystery, but time and time and we fail. We fail to answer this simple yet complex question. Unfortunately for us we will never know. This is what separates us from machines. This is what defines us as human. This is what we call life. We are given the chance to feel, are we blessed? or are we cursed, punished by god in a mortal prison? Emotion is known to cloud judgment. Clouded judgment leads to irrational decisions. Irrational decisions comes with consequences. Consequence is failure.

If we live our lives based on our immediate emotions the life we live are doomed to failure. Yet a life which lacks feelings leaves us in a dry Vulcan-istic way of life. Though it may seem there is only negativity resulting from both extremities, only we can save ourselves.

Balance is the key.

Procrastination

What is one thing I enjoy doing and is also the easiest to do? That's right! Procrastination. I am supposed to be studying for a mid term this coming Monday, boy, have I been lazy. I would study and take a break alternating times and some how managed to squeeze in a 1 hour nap. During one of my many breaks, I discovered that my puppy has flea bites. Beginning extermination process. It is 9:37pm contemplating whether I should go out or not.. -=T

Another Night

Yet another night enjoying the THC effects in my body. Boy, have I been in a marathon lately. I've just read an article about THC hindering the short term memory. Bad timing I'd would say, considering an exam is to be taking on Monday, Aug 3rd, 2009. I sure need to pick up my grades for this class. Hopefully crunch time on Sunday will do the trick.