Done

I try not to believe it u know, but when everything in the world paves one path for me I have no choice. I alone can't fight that force.

‎​I think we are all governed by a force far greater than we can imagine. I can try and try, but there reach a point when I have to turn my focus elsewhere.

Academia is not for me. I'm just glad that I'm able to get my undergrad. But going further I just can't. I know my limits and I've pushed it to get this far. Not much of an accomplishment but it was a hell of a mountain to climb.

‎​I never have any luck. Even when I'm not doing anything wrong the world just seems to take a dump on me. How is it that of all the people that night I am the only one stabbed. How is that of all the medicaid applications, mine gets lost, it cannot be denied that this kid stabbed me but the law will not punish him.

‎​Why is it that it cost me $150 and self labor to get a $27 vehicle inspection, every year?

‎​Why is that every winter I have to fix this god damn house?

‎​I'm god's bastard child.

‎​I know I sound like a spoiled brat but I'm happy to have a roof over my head. My life is nothing like those who are suffering in Haiti.

I'm venting I'm sorry I hold a lot in. But this is all just the surface. I am not blessed. I count on myself. And when "myself" can't hang. I'm done.

The world on my shoulders

I'm not smart..
I'm not bright..
I don't ask for much..
I give when I can..
I only ask when necessary..
Everything else I do myself..
But how far can a kid like me go?

I've taken huge consideration in what I would do with my situation. I understand that life doesn't always give you everything you want even if you try your best. But I believe that in the end when the results are through, whether I pass or fail, I have leverage to say "I've tried my best".

Wow...

what happens if you try but you just dont get it.. fuck it?

Awaiting..

Never any luck, always stumbling upon life..
No matter how careful I may be, still the odds are against me..
If I try, I will fail, Why continue trying?
With 83% chance to win, with my luck I hit the 17%..
I run but I'm not fast enough, I jump but not high enough..
I try but I don't succeed. I am not arrogant nor ignorant.
Why do I have this fate? Darkness fills my world, I run towards the light,
Not fast enough, Should I stop and await for the worst?
This is only the beginning..

A Good Run

What did I do wrong? Why does she always find means to blame me for her misfortune? Why is she so innocent through her own eyes? We fight over nonsense. I try to preserve what good we have left in our relationship. I make every effort to do so. But why does she seem as if she doesn’t make those same effort? Because she doesn’t.

She takes life for granted. The world must cater to her needs. She is the queen in her own world. That is fine until you expect others to hold that standard. I am sorry lady; you can’t treat me like that. Respect me, and you will be respected. If I like you, my respect is offered for free. Please don’t take it for granted otherwise it won’t be free.

We’ve climbed mountains together. We’ve accomplished many. Our last fight nearly destroyed us. I thought she’d learned, I thought she’d realized. We had a good run. But it happened again. I felt it in my gut. I should’ve known. But sometimes love it too hard to let go.

Helpless

There are many times I feel that I am in this world to fulfill a greater good; to serve humanity and change what is wrong. Though this urge is burning within me I cannot. I am not privileged. How do I serve humanity without foregoing my own priorities? If I am able I would teach and educate the children of today, because they are our future. But I am unable. I am weak. I cannot be weak..